Oh No! Not One of You!
by The Ghoul's Bee
Summary: "Stu. You lay upon the ink-soaked dirt of your ruined plot. Stories plundered, typos in ruin, characters destroyed, all to end the OOC with which you sought to cover this site. A conquest that consumed hundreds of thousands, countless villages razed to the ground, and over a thousand frustrated and flamed by you alone! WHAT SAY YOU, GARY! WHAT SAY YOU NOW?" "More… plot holes."


"Stu. You lay upon the ink-soaked dirt of your ruined plot. Stories plundered, typos in ruin, characters destroyed, all to end the OOC with which you sought to cover this site. A conquest that consumed _hundreds of thousands_, countless villages _razed_ to the ground, **and over a thousand frustrated and flamed by you alone!** WHAT SAY YOU, GARY?! WHAT SAY YOU _NOW_!?"

"More… plot holes."

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><p>GARY STU: THE ARRIVAL<p>

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><p>Somewhere in the world, a story was written. Not a fun, well-told, work of art, no. A story was written, and it, as Kakashi would say, was worse than garbage.<p>

It was the beginning of all of this, and if not for the perfect timing of one Ino Yamanaka, it would not have come to an end.

The blonde kunoichi gasped as she resumed control of her body, having just finished training with her Mind Body Jutsu. Shikamaru and Choji were both seated off to the side doing their own thing, and as usual, Asuma Sarutobi, their sensei, watched them all with a cigarette in his mouth.

"Asuma-sensei…" Ino whispered, rising from her position. "Stop smoking."

"Troublesome. You're finally back then, Ino?" Shikamaru asked, glancing lazily at the blonde from his comfortable spot.

"Huh? What are you on about Shikamaru? I was only gone for a few minutes!"

"Uh… Ino? Are you feeling alright?" Choji asked. "You were gone for nearly an hour. We should know, Asuma-sensei had us keep track."

The cigar-smoking Jounin nodded, staring at Ino disapprovingly from his position above them.

"You should know your limits, Ino. You haven't resumed your dieting habits, have you?"

Ino had the decency to blush at the accusation, though she quickly hid it behind an angry expression.

"Of course not sensei! You already explained it to me the first time!" Ino shouted. "I don't need to diet because my body gets all the exercise it needs through training! Now if only we could find a way to get rid of your smoking habits too…"

The man laughed at that, crumbling the smoke between his fingers and beckoning the Genin upward.

"Well, I was planning on having us do a mission today, but since Ino decided to take so long getting back we'll have to hold off until tomorrow."

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru drawled. "At least I have a little more time to watch clouds."

"That's all you ever do Shikamaru! Don't you have any other habits?!" Ino complained, only to glower at Choji as he began munching on chips.

"Shogi." Shikamaru answered simply, and the blonde groaned in annoyance.

"Now, now, don't fight." Asuma said. "You can save that for your D-Ranks tomorrow. We'll meet back here at Eight, don't be late."

He vanished in a whirl of leaves, leaving them all to their own devices.

Shikamaru, of course, had returned to his earlier position, and Choji was now beside him, asking him if he wanted to get barbeque no doubt. The girl huffed. Why did she have to get put on a team with those two again? Sure, their families were close, but that didn't mean that they'd have the same success their parents did! The Ino-Shika-Cho combination was legendary among Konoha, and putting that pressure on a bunch of fresh Genin…

Sighing, Ino turned from the Training Ground upon which she stood and walked off. She needed a distraction, preferably one having to do with the cool, collected Sasuke-

"…and then I was like, _bam_, and Zabuza went down in a flash, right Sakura?!"

"Yeah. That's exactly right, Gary-kun."

Ino paused, she knew that voice! Turning her head around the corner as she entered the village streets, the blonde smiled.

Sakura! Perfect! Just the distraction she needed to get her mind of her lazy teammates! While they'd yet to completely rebuild the friendship they'd had, the time they spent together since the Chunin Exams had gone a long way into rebuilding that long-burnt bridge. More importantly however, was the fact that Sakura was on the same team as Ino's beloved Sasuke, which meant, _of course_, that the pinkette would have all kinds of stories detailing the Uchiha's exploits-!

"Yoohoo! Billboard Brow!" Ino catcalled, drawing her friend's ire with a joking smile.

"Who are you calling Billboard Brow, Ino-pig?!" Sakura asked in a huff, stomping toward the blonde swiftly.

"Oh come off it Sakura, you know I'm just joking!" Ino laughed, approaching her friend happily. "So, who's your friend?"

"Huh? What do you mean? There's no one around but me and Gary-kun." Sakura said, treating Ino with a wary gaze. "This isn't some kind of trick to get Sasuke-kun is it?"

"Don't be stupid Sakura!" Ino sighed. "I'm talking about that hottie you were just chatting with! You said his name was Gary now?"

"Huh? Of course it's Gary!" Sakura said, folding her arms in her confusion. "Don't tell me you didn't recognize him! He's been with us since the academy!"

"Has he know?" Ino asked, tapping her chin in thought. She certainly couldn't remember a Gary from their time in the Academy… had he been one of those unpopular loner kids no one ever remembered…?

"Geez Ino, are you sure you're feeling alright?" Sakura asked worriedly, pressing a palm against the blonde's forehead. "You'd think you'd remember my third teammate."

"Third teammate? Huh?" Ino reeled back, a look of surprise coming across her face. "But Sakura, didn't you get put on a team with Sasuke and that loser Naruto?"

"Naruto? Who's that?" Sakura asked.

"Uh… Naruto? You know, wears orange? Real loud? Always bugs Sasuke?" Ino said. "Don't tell me you don't remember him? He was always asking you out on dates!"

"What are you talking about Ino? That was Gary who always did all that!" Sakura exclaimed. "Though… recently I've been thinking I might have to say yes…"

Ino frowned in disbelief. Was this really happening? How in the world could Sakura forget about that blonde loudmouth? He was probably the least forgettable person in the class, _besides Sasuke of course._ And then, there was this Gary fellow. Who the hell did he think he was, swooping in trying to take Naruto's place? It wasn't like Ino liked the blonde or anything, but even she knew when a crime was being committed. She raised her hands in the Kai seal taught to her by Asuma, and flourished her chakra neatly.

"Kai!" she shouted, attempting to dispel any Genjutsu that covered the area.

Nothing happened.

"Mou, Ino." Sakura muttered. "You're acting pretty weird today… ah!" the pinkette's eyes narrowed then, and she pointed toward Ino angrily. "I know what you're doing, Ino-pig! This is all some kind of trick to steal Sasuke-kun from me, isn't it?!"

"Wha-? This isn't the time to be playing around, Forehead Girl!" Ino snapped. "Something's really wrong here if you can't even remember _Naruto_ of all people, and if you think I need tricks to win Sasuke from you then you've got another thing coming-!"

"_Ladies._" A cool, smooth voice rang throughout the area, draining all will to fight from their bones. "What's the problem here?"

"G-Gary-kun!" Sakura exclaimed, blushing furiously as the handsome-looking boy slid up beside them. "Nothing's wrong, of course! I-I was just talking with Ino here about Sasuke-kun…"

Ino narrowed her eyes at the boy, taking the time to memorize his appearance. Smooth skin, strange colored hair… well, at least he dressed like an ordinary ninja, but those shining eyes and glowing smile of his were rather unsettling…

"That's right. We were talking about Sasuke, _Gary-kun_, so if you don't mind…" Ino began, only for the boy to cut her off midsentence.

"Ah, Ino-chan, how you wound me so. Must you continue to speak of that man while in the presence of such perfection? I think I'm gonna cry…"

"Uh… alright?" Ino muttered, a dry look overtaking her.

"Look what you did Ino-pig!" Sakura cursed, turning to face the teary-eyed boy. "You actually made him cry!"

"No, it's not her fault, Sakura-chan." Gary mourned. "Clearly, her rejection of me only goes to show that I still have more to learn from the hip Kakashi-sensei!"

Ino groaned in annoyance. What in the world was going on here?! She was a Yamanaka, and they were _prized_ on their mind techniques, yet she couldn't remember a single Gary who existed in their classroom! And Ino-_chan? _Sakura-_chan?_ Since when was he so familiar with them?!

"Since I saw you naked in the girl's hotsprings." A small voice whispered in her ear.

"WHAT?!" Ino shrieked, turning to glare at Gary angrily.

"Ah, Ino-chan, are you feeling alright? You appear to be sweating." Gary said, pressing his hand to the girl's forehead.

Despite herself, Ino blushed, and she backpedaled quickly to get away from the stranger before her. "N-No! I'm fine Gary-kun- wait, no! Stay away from me, asshole! And that goes for Sakura too, teme!"

"Huh?" Gary laughed, as if Ino had said something funny. "Don't you think it's a little bit pointless to tell me to stay away from my own teammate?"

"Yeah, Ino. I mean, we see each other every day you know?" Sakura asked, exchanging a worried glance with Gary.

"No! You don't! You do that with Naruto, and Sasuke-kun!" Ino shouted frantically, "There's no Gary in your team forehead! If there was, I'd know about it!"

"And I'm telling _you_, Ino-pig, that I've never once heard about this Naruto guy!"

"Naruto…? Who's that?" a third voice asked, the dark, brooding Uchiha entering the scene.

"S-Sasuke-kun!" Ino shouted, thankful that at least _someone_ with brains was there to back her up.

At least, until she remembered just what he'd said.

"Wait a second, Sasuke!" Ino interrupted herself. "Don't tell me, you don't know who Naruto is either?"

"Naruto…?" Sasuke repeated the name, his eyes narrowing darkly. "Never heard of him. Why? Is he someone important?"

"Of _course_ he's someone important! He's your teammate, isn't he?!"

Sasuke stuffed his hands in his pocket, and glanced between Gary and Sakura.

"Did you do this?" he asked simply.

The two shook their heads.

"She was like this when we got here." Sakura said. "I'm starting to get a bit worried…"

"Maybe we should take her to the hospital." Gary said. "Baa-chan will know what to do with her."

_Baa-chan?_ Ino thought, worried. Wasn't that what Naruto always called the latest Hokage? No! She couldn't think about that right now! More importantly, she knew she wasn't going _anywhere_ with this Gary character! Sakura she could understand, but if he'd somehow managed to convince _Sasuke_ too… she wasn't safe!

"D-Don't worry Sakura, Sasuke!" she said frantically, reaching for a smoke ball within her holster. "I promise I'll bring back help!"

She tossed it down, and vanished in the cloud that followed.

"Ah! God _damnit_ Ino-pig! This is my favorite dress!" Sakura's roar cried after her.

Ino wouldn't look back.

* * *

><p>"…and that's what happened." Ino explained, seated quietly across from Shikamaru. She'd have gone to Asuma-sensei or the Hokage herself, but the smoker was nowhere to be found (on a date with Kurenai probably) and the Hokage was no doubt the first place <em>that <em>guy would have looked.

The lazy pineapple head sighed, having listened to Ino's story from the beginning while gazing at the clouds.

"Troublesome… so you say you don't know who this Gary guy is…?" he asked, turning to stare at Ino in the corner of his eye.

"That's right Shikamaru! And he somehow has Sakura and Sasuke thinking that _he's_ their third teammate!"

"I think I get it." Shikamaru interrupted, leaning upward. "There's just one thing I need to ask you, Ino."

"Huh? What's that?" the blonde frowned.

Shikamaru turned slowly, and faced the girl with a dumbfounded look.

"Who's Naruto?"

Ino screamed.

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><p>Oh no! It seems like everyone's forgotten about Naruto! How is this possible, and more importantly, why is Ino unaffected?! Will she manage to make everyone remember, or is she doomed to be the only sane man (read woman) in this world the Stu has made?! Find out in the next chapter of "<em>Oh No, Not One of You!"<em>

Please tell me what you think so I can improve.


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